Tuesday, February 28, 2006


I do not acknowledge that my soon to be 84-year-old grandmother is mortal. She is an earthbound saint, and that's all there is to it. The deaths of Don Knotts, 81, Darren McGavin, 83, and Dennis Weaver, 81 are making my delusion very hard to maintain. On top of that, Super B.J.'s grandfather died this morning.
Mortality has always disturbed me. I don't handle death well, whether it's someone I know and am close to, or someone I've feuded with in the past, the news of someone dying always makes me very sad. The sadness isn't always for me. The sadness I feel is for the loved ones of the deceased, knowing that they've lost someone close to them, that they won't ever be able to look at, touch, talk to that person ever again for the rest of their life, that's what makes me sad.
I have a hard time letting people get close to me because I know, no matter what, some way, some how, the relationship will end, and I have a hard time dealing with the pain that goes along that. It's so much easier just to keep people at arms length. The less attached you are, the less it will hurt when it's over, ya know. It's can't be that way with grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, etc. though. You've already let them in and are attached to them before you can understand the pain losing them will cause you. I've been lucky. I haven't lost that many people close to me, which is going to make it even harder when it starts happening, because inevitably it will happen. Don't get me wrong; if I'd known in advance the pain I would feel for the loss of my grandfather, I still would have loved him just as much, gotten just as attached to him, and hurt just as much when he died. I guess that's just another one of those mysterious ways The Big Man works.

Hope I didn't bring y'all down. Have a nice day. Call SOMEONE and tell them that you love them. It'll make their day.